The Unpredictable, Unstable, Narcissistic Ex

 It is always hard when a relationship ends, a divorce or break up takes place. But when the relationship was/is toxic, it is in the best interest of our Emotional Health and Stability to end toxic relationships. 

Toxic individuals do not change. They may seek counseling, but they do not seek it because they genuinely want to change and be better persons.. The only reason a toxic person agrees to counseling or help, is so that their victim "believes" that they are trying hard to change. Once they have their victim believing that they have changed, the abuse (lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing) will start again, and continue until they are caught again. 

TOXIC PEOPLE WASTE SO SO SO MUCH OF OUR TIME, AND THEY SIMPLY DO NOT CARE. You cannot make them feel bad or remorseful, because they do not have a conscience. They lack inner depth and love. When a person does not have consciousness and awareness of the feelings and pain of others, they are capable of terrible and evil things. 
Just look at how they recklessly live. They have no concern for their own life. Much less the life of anyone else. 

When the toxic relationship ends, because you have had enough. Even though you are able to let go and you are ready to move forward in life, doesn't mean the toxic person is.  
Even if it is the toxic person ENDS the relationship, and moves on to another person. They will still feel the need to punish you every chance they can get.  Especially if you decide to move on as well and begin to see other people and date again. Once the toxic person finds out you are moving on and thinks you may even be Happy, that is when they may become obsessed with getting you back, reconciling, or just making your life miserable. 

This behavior becomes an obsession.  Your ex develops an unhealthy and dangerous obsession with you. If you have children with this person, your situation can become so miserable that you begin to feel hopeless. 

This is called the obsessive EX syndrome. It is when your Ex-Wife/Husband will stop at nothing to make your life unbearable and miserable. They will even use their own children as mass weapons of destruction to punish you and make your suffering even worse. 

Even if the ex has moved on, even re-married. Often times, the obsessive ex that you are dealing with wants you to still give to them, do things for them, and be around when they call.  They are very delusional, they truly believe that they are allowed  to move on with their new partner, but they do not believe that YOU (their Ex) is allowed to move on or be happy. Once your obsessive ex finds out that you have found someone else, they become obsessed with making your  life hell. They do not stop with just tormenting you.  They also will harass and stalk the man/woman that you have moved on with. They will use the children that you share to hurt you. They do not CARE, the psychological damage they are causing their Own children. As long as they are in control. They want to control You. This is usually because the  obsessive Ex realizes that if You find someone else, they will lose the control they have had on you for so long. 
This type of behavior is delusional, and it can become very dangerous. They may not harm you physically but they find Many other ways to harm you. Such as accusing you of abuse, physical and emotional, they will turn the children against you, and slander you to friends, colleagues and the entire community. An obsessive ex knows what they are doing, but justifies it to their own self. They are selfish, but are too self centered and narcissistic to take responsibility for anything in their life that they are doing or that they have done.  These people do not always have a chemical brain imbalance. They usually just lack compassionate for anyone, anything, except themselves. They have a sense of entitlement, and they expect impossible and unrealistic 
expectations for everyone — EXCEPT FOR THEMSELVES! 

This can be extremely hard for you, but you must be strong. I have found that once the children get older that you must apply the NO CONTACT RULE. This is helpful. But it takes a significant amount of time before your unstable ex leaves you alone. 

Narcissist and Sociopath Hate Responsibility

The sociopath can pretend and act like the rest of us with great success and believability because they lack a spiritual core. When there is no spiritual core to harm and confuse, the sociopath is a prime example of an empty existence unaffected by anything from the outside and especially from the inside.  

Sociopaths hate responsibility. So, the more they think and believe you are stressed out with responsibilities, the more victorious they feel. So let them believe you are not happy, that they have made life SO hard for you, that you are burdened by life. If they think they are making life hard, then they are content and will not step it up a notch or 10... Never let them see you happy, or tell them of your successes or future plans. If a sociopath thinks that you are succeeding in life - they will find a way to sabotage it...  

By giving them what they think they want, we appease them. By convincing them their choices burden us, we appease their need to control us. We did it inside the relationship; we can do it outside the relationship, too.

Predictable Sociopaths?

Sociopaths are actually predictable. They play the same game over and over. Victim after victim. They just add new players. But their strategy is the same every time.  

Sociopaths have a way of making you feel bad for them. They are always the victim. They play the victim role very well. Normal people do not go around telling everyone they meet how abused they were by their last partner... It's something they rather not talk about and are trying to heal from. A sociopath will tell anyone who will listen how abused they were. How they were abused mentally and physically. They do this because they are afraid the real victim may speak of the abuse they suffered at the hands of the sociopath. So by vilifying the real victim, they are hoping to discredit the victim first. And what better way than to play the victim. 

Shame the the real victim, so they are embarrassed to talk about what has happened to them. Then claim to be the one who was abused. Sociopaths add insult to injury in the most cruel and callous ways... 

Female Sociopathy

Female sociopaths come on strong, sweeps us off our feet. She targets us by falsely mirroring our values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes and habits. She fakes integrity, honesty and sincerity. She plays the role of the victim. We take pity on her. She  does not move slow. A female sociopath will have sex on the first night of meeting.  Before you know it, you are living together.

She is a control freak. She portrays false integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous in her ‘idealization’ of us phase. It never lasts, she goes from Jekyll to Hyde. Her victims are objectified and disposable. She convincingly mimics human emotions.

Using her lies, manipulation and wearing her mask of sanity, she appears to be a charming “Southern Belle” schemer. 
In the beginning she acts helpless or needy, pitiful, inept or emotionally unable to cope. Even total strangers give her things she gratefully accepts. She is always the victim of someone, rather it be her mother, her absent father, or her ex husband. She is a passive parasite, she latches on and sucks the life out of the normal protector instincts in her male target. When her mask comes off she is cold, cunning, ruthless, evil, predatory, and loveless.

Her black hole of need can never be filled. Understand the mask of helplessness is not the “real her”. If she won’t give reasonable answers to reasonable questions turn and RUN!  Beware and remember she is deadlier than the male, more calculated, destructive and dangerous.  Realize she uses her sexuality as a lure. Avoid any financial or emotional involvement. You are sure to get screwed by her...
She is A Thrill Seeker- she never learns from her past mistakes, even if they have caused problems. Easily bored, she is always on a hunt for new thrills. Her reckless disregard for others endangers them. She has poor impulse control, bad judgment, criminal activity and is probably abusing drugs, pills, anything substance that she can numb her shallow existence with..

She has no remorse, no conscience and no regard for the rights of others. This coward sadistically picks on the vulnerable people, children and the elderly. She believes she is above the law. She is Charismatic. And manipulates others to obtain status, control, compliance, money, attention. She uses effective brainwashing tactics.  She targets the naive, vulnerable, uneducated or mentally weak. 

She falsely portrays herself  to be virtuous, the perfect mother, wife, advisor, mentor, friend. Though she is none. She will stab even her children in the back, to get what she wants. If you are unfortunate enough to be the father of her children - you are screwed. Because she believes she owns you! Even when she moves on, she will never let the father of her children move on. She believes that he must always be at her beck and call. She believes he must support her for the rest of her life. All the support money that is given for the children, she uses for her own personal reasons. 

She will make like unbearable for the father of her children, and any woman he tries to move on with. She will stalk, harass, spread lies and make like so horrible, that she hopes the woman will have enough of her torment and leave. 

Jealousy and Envy

 Sociopaths run their smear campaigns, in an attempt to spread lies about you, and some even go to the extremes of impersonating you, just get a reaction out of you. 

IF YOU REACT - you give the sociopath what they wanted. You give a reason to turn it around on you, and tell others that you are attacking them. 

That's why it's important to not react to the sociopath.  No matter how badly you want to defend you me character. If you really want the sociopath to leave you alone. 

**Then going NO CONTACT is the only way to truly get  the sociopath out of your life completely.

So why do sociopaths want to destroy lives, spread lies, cause conflict, chaos and drama? The answer is pretty simple — “jealousy”

The sociopath is jealous and envious of everyone they know. The believe that everyone has something better than them. So they do anything to sabatoge that persons life by any means.  Sociopaths experience a level of envy toward their targets that is lethal. Whatever the sociopath or  narcissist  sees in you that he/she knows they cannot be, want to be, or with something that he/she views that you have ‘won’ in some way. They feel a incredible amount of envy. Their envy can appear as rage in the smear campaign. Don't ever expect the sociopath to admit they are envious for someone. They have NO SPINE OR BACKBONE  TO DO THAT. 

So they have to sneak around behind your back and do covert things to try to destroy you. Sometime the envy is obvious and sometimes it is not obvious. 

Sociopaths tend to be envious of their ex spouses new girlfriend/boyfriend, husband or wife. And soon the innocent person who is with the sociopaths ex/ex-spouse decides to target the new love. Why?

Because sociopaths are low life scum. They prey on their ex, and anyone in the ex’s life, and even their own children. 

The Past Cannot Be Changed

We are powerless over the past.  

This is an absolute fact.  

We cannot change it. 

We cannot breathe yesterday’s air, but we can deprive ourselves of what we need today by trying to do the impossible, and that is, change the past.  

We somehow convince ourselves that by holding on to some mind held position, we will prevent the sociopath or situation from becoming real or happening again in the future.  

We are punishing ourselves, all the while believing that we are somehow affecting the perpetrator.  

It is as though we have become convinced that if we punish ourselves enough, the situation will change.  

This is not the answer, yet we often try to do this over and over again, only to find the same result…misery.